3 posts tagged “job hunt”
i think it went really well. i think they want me. and they want me for $14/hr. i wore the top that i made for myself for the show and they both loved it, and she even remotely talked about selling my designs in the store. hoping to hear from them soon.
So Monday morning I got dressed up in my nice business attire, all black and grey just the way I like. Did my hair and make up real nice and went out into the world to search for work. I know I don't look good on paper, but if people get a chance to meet me and talk to me I don't usually have any problem connecting and convincing, unless I'm really, really unqualified. Somehow over the course of five or six years i forgot how strong my will and determination are and how when I put those on people how they react and how well things turn out for me.
First place I went was this plus sized boutique on college, schmoozed a bit with the manager and checked out the merch. Then I took off when I though the owner wasn't going to show. Then I went to Janie and Jack In SF, this is gymboree's high-end infant line, and applied there at the suggestion of my friend kara, who now works there. The manager said she would call me later this week. I don't feel strong about that one but we'll see. Then I went to Discount fabric on Ashby and checked to see if they were still hiring and I met a lady there who runs her own children's clothing line that sells in boutiques nationwide I think she told me. So i promptly introduced myself and asked if she needed any intern-like assistance. She seemed psyched about getting my help so we traded business cards. Got home and got a really nice e-mail from her and the owner of the boutique on college. so I have interviews with both of them tomorrow. thats exactly what I wanted. it's amazing what I can do when I leave the apartment and actually talk to people. screw you depression for keeping my indoors for three weeks!
My trip to LA proved to be mostly unproductive. I made a few new contacts, but not in the industry. I scoped out some hoods, Culver city is a dump, Sherman oaks is nice but a bit far out, and I cant afford Hollywood -- north , west or otherwise--. I got my famous "alcohol poisoning" on the second day we were there, requiring me to take the entire third day to recover. and that happened to be the day that i was supposed to be scouting for neighborhoods like Torrance, Westwood, etc... mostly a loss as far as a fact finding mission goes. (There were good things but i will post about those later)
On the emotional side the trip was melancholy to say the least. Why, you ask? Well, for those of you who don't already know, Matt and I are going through a trial separation. It's obviously a long story but, Matt needs to continue with his therapy and figure out who he is (and work through his trust and commitment issues) before he starts his life and career next year in Japan and I need to start my new career right now which may separate us for the next year anyways. I think what we agreed on is that when I move we will no longer be a couple, no long distance relationship. that I can deal with, it's in the future and I'll have a job to distract me. What I can't deal with is this awkwardness and unclear boundaries that are happening right now because we still share everything. Oh and tat he seems to be unaffected by our "separation" in fact he seems to be having the time of his life. He goes out every weekend and once or twice during the week for bowling or just meeting up for drinks. none of which I'm invited to. and don't anyone dare bring up the subject of him possibly seeing other girls already (he denies it and insists that they are friends), the thought is in my head, it sooooo does not need to be at the forefront.
I'm not ready right now to not be chuugs anymore. He is the most important person in my life and I need him right now. I have spent the last 5 years being a devoted partner, waiting for him to come around and act like someone in a committed relationship. I have put up, put in and gave up a lot and i don't feel like i deserve to be brushed off like this. I don't see why we can't just continue how we have been until separation happens.
As you can see lots of conflicted thoughts. He's a crappy boyfriend and can't provide and equal partnership emotionally/ but i love him and i need him. I'm so not in a good place right now. I cry every time I get in the shower. All this depressing shit is just feeding my self destructive habits and sabotaging my job hunt. WTF is a girl to do?
